High on Breath of Fire
by Jyuu
Summary: Another "High!" Run awaaaay! I'm back, and I'm taking you through Breath of Fire 1 the way it should be-psycho, scary, and Karn-loving!


A/N: Welcome to "High" number 3- Breath of Fire!! If you've never read a "High" installment, it goes a lil' bit like this: I take an RPG and I mutilate it. I take you through the game the way it should be played- random, humorous, and just plain wacky. So sit back, relax, and brace yourself- here comes HOBOF!  
  
Disclaimer: Did you know that I drove all the way to Atlanta for my BoF GBA game? (I live near Tampa, FL.) I've never played the SNES version. Is it fun? ..... oh yeah. You all know I own nothing, right?  
  
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Jyu: Before we get started, I'd like to introduce the party. And no, I'm NOT copying the instruction manual..... hehe.... ^^;; Ahem. Our first party member is the hero from Drogen.. Ryu!!!  
  
Ryu: ::waves::  
  
Jyu: He's cool, cuz he talks.  
  
Navi: ^^;; You call "Humrgh, Yes, No, and ..." talking?  
  
Jyu: ....  
  
Navi: Oh no, not you too!!!  
  
Jyu: I know how we can communicate with him! Oh Kaaarn!  
  
Karn: ::pops up::  
  
Jyu: Karn, will you be a sweetie and get me a Cowl?  
  
Karn: ::blushes:: Uh.... s-sure. ::runs off::  
  
Navi: He looks like a frickin' fish! What do you see in him?  
  
Jyu: Well, he doesn't look that much like a fish, and I dun care if he does. If you remember, my last hottie was my fish Bob. May he rest in peace. I like fish people.  
  
Navi: O...kay then then...  
  
Karn: Here! ::gives Cowl::  
  
Jyu: Thankies!!  
  
Navi: ::rolls eyes::  
  
Jyu: :P to you.  
  
Navi: --;; Go ahead and use that translator thingy on Ryu! A guy who can only say "..." reminds me too much of Link!  
  
Jyu: Aww, you know you love him. Anyway, I'll turn it on.  
  
Ryu: Ha-ha! You dumbasses can't understand me! F u c k, f u c k, f u c k you!  
  
Jyu: ::taps Cowl::  
  
Ryu: Oh s h i t. ::runs::  
  
Jyu: I'll get you later... Anyway, next we have they flying-deprived-until- much-later Nina from Winlan! She used to be my fave, but now Bleu is.  
  
Nina: And just what is wrong with me?!  
  
Jyu: You're blonde, pink, and angel white. You're immature, annoying, and too happy. Plus your attack power is nothing, and Ox can do the important heals. So you're not very good. You're still okay though, cuz you're a girl. And you get Ryu.  
  
Nina: But..but...  
  
Jyu: Get dark clothes and dark wings, look a little older, learn offensive magic, and then come see me. (You'll only get this if you've played BoF 2. Or you could look at a website or something...)  
  
Nina: Okay. ::runs off to contemplate life::  
  
Jyu: Next we have another cutie, Bo from one of them little towns! Tantar or Tuntar, I forget.  
  
Bo: I'm from Tantar.  
  
Jyu: Too confoolzing for me. You're from New York.  
  
Bo: --;;;  
  
Jyu: Anyway, Bo here's an expert bow-shooter guy.  
  
Navi: Archer.  
  
Jyu: Whatever. Anyway, he's good at that, and he can kill things in the wild so you get stuff like Meat and Antidote. Plus he can fuse with Karn to make really cool peeps... ::drool::  
  
Navi: Run Bo, before she goes on a glomping rage.  
  
Jyu: Too late. ::glomps::  
  
Navi: Get on with the introduction!!  
  
Jyu: Fiiiine. After Bo comes the great, the wonderful, the extremely cute- ish...KARN!!!  
  
Karn: Hello everyone.  
  
Jyu: Karn is a master thief from Bleak who can save you from all sorts of nasty s h i t. Plus he can do that really cool fusey thingy that makes him and or Gobi, Ox, and Bo become some really cool dude! My fave is Shin, but he can also do Puka, Doof, and Debo. {Debo was what we called my counselor at camp. O.o;;} He's a fun guy!  
  
Karn: Uh... thanks.......  
  
Jyu: De nada. After Karn comes the annoying, ugly, and greedy Gobi!  
  
Gobi: Thanks for the warm introduction.  
  
Jyu: Any time. Gobi was a bad little boy from Auria and got his big fish/shopkeeper license taken away, but you get it back after you defeat a Dark Dragon general. So it's all good. Afterwards Gobi turns into this BIG orange fish and can swim the ocean blue! He also opens up his fun lil' store thing. I tend to sit there for 2 hours and make 3 Gs per sale. ^^;  
  
Gobi: ::perks up:: Did you say Gs? Where?!  
  
Jyu: ::pushes Gobi away:: No where, you greedy slob. Now go.  
  
Gobi: Fiiiine. ::sulks off::  
  
Jyu: Shortly after Gobi comes Ox from Gant! He can heal and crush at the same time. Cooooooool. He's a giant ox-looking dude who attacks with hammers.  
  
Ox: ::is in the corner playing with deer and butterflies::  
  
Navi: O.o  
  
Jyu: Aaaaanyway...after Ox is my FAVORITE, Bleu!!!!!  
  
Bleu: Hello. ::yawns::  
  
Jyu: You'll have to excuse her. She just woke up from a 5,000 year nap.  
  
Bleu: *mumble mumble* Huh? Wha?  
  
Jyu: Nothing. Bleu's really a SUPER GIGANTO powerful sorcerer who was asleep in Wisdon until Ryu and the gang woke her up. She comes with 14 spells already learned! How cool. (Same as for BoF 2. She kicks even more ass there.)  
  
Bleu: Thank you, thank you. ::bows and goes back to sleep::  
  
Jyu: We'll let her be. Our last, but certainly not least, party member is Mogu the mole!!  
  
Mogu: Hello.  
  
Jyu: Mogu comes with you after you save him from a scary dream-stealing butterfly.  
  
Navi: ::Cracks up:: He got captured by a butterfly?!  
  
Mogu: It was a moth!!!  
  
Navi: ::flies off, laughing:: Whatever.. *snigger*  
  
Jyu: Navi! Be nice to our new victims.. I mean characters.  
  
Navi: Whatever you say..... *snicker*  
  
Jyu: ::rolls eyes:: An upside of Mogu is that he can dig like no other, which is kinda essential to the ending of the game. He has ta dig to get through the Obelisk so you can fight everything. Whee!  
  
Navi: Are you done yet?!  
  
Jyu: Yeah.  
  
Navi: Ugh... wait, you said yeah?!  
  
Jyu: Yeah.  
  
Navi: Whee! I can go now since the real story's starting! Wahoo! ::flies away::  
  
Jyu: Good for nothing biatch... *ahem* Well, I've introduced the party! Now the real fun can start! Have fun reading! ::disappears in a cloud of green smoke::  
  
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A/N: And there's da prologue! I know it's not much, but tell me what ya think! Chapter One will be out shortly, then the real madness will come! R/R peeps! 


End file.
